Alétheia

ἀλήθεια, ας, ἡ (the state of not being hidden)

Day 16

No one really dies from being heartbroken. But I wish I could. I wish these short of breaths, tightening of the chest would help me sleep forever and never have to see the day again tomorrow. I badly wanted it to kill me. But I know it won’t. Still I do hope so.

This has been the most normal weekday maybe because an officemate insisted me to have breakfast, then a few batchmates invited me for lunch then my boss had a dinner meeting. I haven’t been able to eat that much because I still feel like throwing up but I guess it helps my body in which I wish would stop being stubborn and just get sick as fuck already.

Advertisements

Day 15

Just when I thought things will get a little bit better, it didn’t. Getting through the mornings are as hard as it was the first time.

Thoughts of ending my existence are suddenly taking its form.

Day 14

I was able to eat well today. Maybe because a lot of people are actually pushing me to eat after seeing me thin and skinny.

The holiday retreat helped keep the tears away but the thought of you floods every bit of my being. I wish you were here. You could’ve enjoyed the trip.

Day 13

It was amazing how I was able to put up with class today. I somehow managed to crack jokes, interact with people, smile and pretend everything was alright while deep inside I was screaming I miss you and I want to hug you badly.

But as usual, I got through the day. What pained me was when I was presenting in class and somehow managed to catch a glimpse of you smiling at me. I don’t know if it was because of me or just a random glance that I caught. Either way, I still made it through. The rest of the afternoon got easier as I managed to get out of town with all my relatives. They picked me up after school and drove off to my cousin’s vacation house.

It was difficult when they asked about you buy somehow managed to evade the question.

Day 12

Being with people helps keep the tears at bay. Despite all the physical and emotional pains, I’m able to keep myself busy today.

I texted you regarding the laptop I need but got no response. Somehow, I feel like you purposely don’t want to reply which is okay. At least I was able to message you. That’s good enough for me today.

Day 11

I rushed myself to the hospital because I was having a hard time breathing. Good thing my best friend was with me. She helped me get through everything. I was eventually discharged around 1am.

Day 10

I was about to do something impulsive this morning. Call you. But then I realized, what will I say? What if it will only make things worse? So I tried to compose myself and drown in busyness.

I was able to get through today. Thanks to your mom and sister whom I’m helping with your internet connection on your other home. They helped ease the pain for a little bit. Somehow, making me feel that I’m still connected. It didn’t made things easier but it made it bearable for that specific hour.

I tried to induce any tummy sickness I have. Apparently, I have a strong tummy. It didn’t work. I was hoping it will give me the ticket to a first class flight to the hospital. I know it’s stupid but I was irrational and badly hurt I just want to feel REAL PHYSICAL pain and not this excruciating one inside me.

%d bloggers like this: