I’ve been thinking about this for quite sometime now and even before this occurrence happened, I knew somehow, there’s a huge chance I might do it.
Am I afraid? I don’t think so. But funny enough, I don’t want it to ruin my body. If I will commit suicide, I want it in the most subtle way possible without bruises or wounds or marks.
Drowning can be one. Or overdose. Or any medically assisted suicide. I think in Oregon it’s legal but I sure don’t have the money to fly there. I want to end this misery so badly. I’ve written my goodbyes. I’m not afraid to hurt myself. What I’ve been doing for the past weeks are too shallow. Taking the things that I’m allergic to. It’s not working. Just when I badly need it. So I guess I have to step up my game? Where can I find any bacterial infection that would take me to the hospital? Or should I drink water from drainages? Or what about those softdrinks + mentos thing inside your tummy that would make it explode? Anything please! Just to help me stop feeling this pain in my chest.